Last year, we moved at the end of the year and had to go to school here for about 5 weeks. Every day for those five weeks was torture. It got to the point that I had to walk her in and basically shove her in the class and close the door to keep her from running out. It was all very disruptive for the class and a little traumatic for her. Her teacher was super patient and really gently with her, which really made me feel easier about it. The unknown is really hard for this girl. On the first day of school there was a lot of anxiety. I never know if it's better to cut and run or to stay until she is settled and happy. I worry about her feeling more scared or abandoned causing more anxiety the next day if I just leave her (and carrying that on into adulthood blaming me for any of her emotional or social problems). But I also worry about coddling her and setting a standard that since I stayed when she cried then she will use that as a crutch for everything. It's a hard, fine line.
We practiced going to school and dropping her off and leaving for the week before school started. We checked out her classroom and met the teacher. We decided on a reward system like "if you don't run out after me, you can go anywhere for lunch that day" then the next day, "if you can not cry when I leave, you can pick a prize out of the prize box" and then today, "if you can go in the classroom without me going with you, you can have a movie night". The first day she did pretty good considering last year and all her anxiety. She was super clingy, a little teary and almost made it without running after me. She was all settled and I tried to leave but people were blocking the door and in that instant that I was waiting, she saw her chance to run to me. Luckily the teacher held her hand to keep her in the class. I hid behind a door and watched and she clung on to the teacher and calmed down pretty quick. She was still nervous, but not crying. Ben and I decided to set up a tea party for her and her dolls when she got home. We picked flowers and put up a sign and made some cookies. She loved it.
The next day she stayed in her seat when I left, but started to cry so I shamelessly used Miles as my prop. Have I mentioned how much this boy loves his big sister. She is like magic to him. I pretended to have him wave to her and say bye-bye. She started busting up laughing and stopped crying then.
All the classrooms have a door to the playground. Before school starts the kids play outside and when the bell rings, they line up at their door and go in so no kids are roaming the halls before school. Today the inside doors were locked, so I didn't get to go inside with her, which was just what I wanted. I stood with her in line to the door thinking I was going to have to come in with her. When she got to the door, out of nowhere, she turned around, smiled at me, waved and said bye with that nervous giggle I love of hers. The teacher and I looked at each other like, "is this really happening?!?" and I took that as my cue and got out of there fast before she could change her mind. I did hide out on the playground for a minute to see if it would last and it did, she was fine. What a relief. 3 days down, 177 more to go. I hope this is a sign of a good year.
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